HNT #5: Halloween

This photo was taken by Darklady around 5 years ago at a party at her house. I think this was her first large Polyween (Polyamorous Halloween) Party. This was also my first party where I dared to wear a half-naked costume. I was attempting to be a dakini, a sacred feminine figure in Tibetan Buddhism. Most people interpreted my costume as a venus or goddess.

Click on the photo for the rest.

I remember I felt nervous and exposed, but people were friendly and liked my costume. I used double-sided tape to paste the medallions to my nipples, but the tape was not very sticky after a while. I used the flowing cloth to cover my boobs after that. Since then I have grown more comfortable and I don't worry about exposing myself. There are many familiar faces, and while there are few I am close with, we have shared a certain intimacy that I feel comfortable, even though now these parties are pretty big. At some point I started volunteering because if I committed to doing something, I wouldn't be so skittish about actually attending a party. Polyween is this Saturday, and again I volunteer with cloakroom duties. Darklady has created a safe sex-positive, affirming, inclusive phenomena in her parties, along with her helpers, the Darklings.

Around the time of this photo, I went a few times to a swinger's club. Such places are sex-positive in their own way, and I think they may be many people's way in to opening up their sexuality and their relationships. It may be sexually charged but often people there are reserved and stiff. I noticed there wasn't a lot of nudity, people were nervous about that except in the hot tubs and the orgy beds. Steve and I didn't feel like we fit in there. At Darklady's house we found people we could have conversations with, and such an interesting mix of pan-sexuality and gender types. Now that her parties have gotten pretty big, Steve's not so interested. I see them supporting a sex-positive community, and I've come to feel society needs to learn greater comfort with the many expressions sexuality can take. If we had more of such loving expressions of sexual freedom, I think there would be less twisted unwelcome sexual violence. Sexual predators thrive on secrets and hiddenness, and manipulate their victims' feelings of shame. No shame here, and predators cannot hide.

Darklady is now doing a live streaming webradio show every Thursday at 2 pm Pacific time, ynotradio.com. Click here for her podcast archives.

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