HNT #28: Returning to HNT

(click)

I feel ready to come out of my cocoon again.

visit all the other HNTers here.

HNT #24: Reflections

I've decided to switch half-nekkid photos that have more of the nekkid in them to this a more anonymous blog. My sweetie Steve pointed out it's very possible nephews, in-laws etc could find my blog...and I definitely don't want the in-laws to see me naked. Or the nephews. Of course if they really really want to find them, they can just follow the crumbs at Os's Original HNT site, but then that's on their conscience. I haven't shared my blog url with them, but families have ways of finding these things out.

For now, my more naked HNT posts at my other Adventures site are set back to draft...eventually I will post them here, backdated. Just so you know, I'm not doing this out of shame or fear...I just don't want certain people to see me naked.

So, this being my first HNT post at the Heidi-Hide blog, I thought it appropriate to dig back to my very first Half Nekkid Thursday. This reflective photo is a reflection:

(and for you horny wankers ...smile...wink...that just can't wait to see a big-boobed fat girl's archive of nekkid pictures....just go to the flickr page...the photos are still there.)

HNT #16: Shadow Sides

I'm awake way too late, to the point where I'm sort of giddy. I've been doing that a lot lately. I spend time puttering about doing this or that, and here I am awake at the most vulnerable hour of the night. Steve hasn't come home yet. He's been working kerwonky hours, pushed by project deadlines. I'm not necessarily staying up for him, but I suppose there's a semi-conscious wish to share his schedule. Tonight actually is his night to spend time with his beloved Krissy...so she too perhaps is awake during the witching hour.

Tonight I was gathering the materials for a Dharma School project. (Buddhist Sunday School.) I have sand, little polished rocks, miniature rakes, and not quite enough cardboard jewelry boxes for miniature zen gardens. I got the dollhouse rakes off ebay, in sets with mini hoes and shovels. They were the best buy...maybe I'll turn around and sell the extra pieces. I also got molds for fimo for tiny Buddhas, Kwan Yins, or lotus flowers. I didn't stop there, but bought a mold for me, turtles, and a mold for Krissy, an acorn. I've never worked with fimo, or rather sculpey, before. I need to bake some pieces to show the kids some examples. (They will mold their buddha figure, but take them home to bake.) As long as I'm baking, I'll try out that turtle mold, I thought.

Turtles have been of special significance to me. I once was one who hid. A hard shell kept me from even knowing myself, but it was through my Buddhist practice that layers of this shell dissolved. A vision years ago during meditation led me to turtles as my totem. I honor their presence in my life, including the gift of a living turtle that I've had for around ten years.

Then, I figured, as long as I am up this late, I may as well get my Half Naked Thursday photo posted. I was inspired by Regal's delightful raspberry, I hope she likes being emulated.

Shadows help bring definition to life, don't they?

Click through for the full photo:

3 29 07

HNT #15: A Guest Artist

My friend Sean did indeed create a drawing from my HNT photo last week. He has a common first name for a last name, and I inadvertently used the last when I meant to say the first in an email. He let it go by without comment...maybe he gets that a lot.

I asked him how long it took him, for this a quick one, or for one of his more detailed ones. He said, "Time is kind of hard to say because one of the reasons I do it is to make time go away. :)" He added this probably took him about ten minutes.

Click through for the full drawing:

For more of Sean's womanly drawings, go here and here.

For the original Half Nekkid Thursday, go here.

HNT #14: The Artistry of Nudes

There is a history in art of placing models in unusual positions. I don't know much about art or art history, just know what I've seen. In some cases I imagine it's been to convey movement, or there must be some symbolic meaning to it. I often think they do it because they can. There's a tension between the purity of the artistry and the sensuality of the nude body. I was inspired to try this by my friend Sean, who went to see a film on Edward Weston and his model-turned-wife, Charis Wilson. Sean's post included a nude of Charis, her head turned away, neck exposed, knees to her face, exquisite curve of leg and echoes of lines. Sean has been taking drawing classes, drawing furiously, and has a standing request for photos of bodies that he can draw.


I thought I'd see how close I could come to imitating the beautiful Charis's position. Not very, of course. I don't even begin to suggest I am trying to create fine art photography. Half the battle is setting the timer and getting in front of the camera. I can see though I can do some exploration here. The other half of the battle is choosing. It is hard for a fat women to look at her body in an artistic way. Well, most of us women in this fat-phobic society cannot look at our bodies clearly. Our eyes zoom to the imperfections. The karma of our history with food and perceptions and nasty comments cloud the clarity to see. I have long noticed it is much easier for me to see the beauty in another fat woman before I can see it in myself.


I had to play a little trick on myself to choose the photo. I had to pretend it wasn't me when I looked at the collection of ten. I pretended I didn't know about the strain I could see in my face as I'd tried to twist my legs up to my face, an impossible task given the bulk of my body. There are times I can be pretty bendy, but there are still the limitations of physical space. I pretended I was someone else looking at this cushy human body for proportionate lines and aesthetic groupings of shapes. I pretended I wasn't hearing the chorus of viewers, "God, look how fat she is! How can she show herself here?" I pretended I was an artist looking for an interesting picture. I thought this one echoed the lines and parallel curves of the inspiration photo, after a fashion. I don't have much to go on when it comes to nudes of large women. I have the book, Women En Large. There are Leonard Nimoy's, discovered a few weeks ago. I still hesitate to show this, but heck, why take myself so seriously? It's not like I'm going to go on American Idol. ...speaking of which, what a woman does with her body should have no bearing on whether she can be on that show, like that show has some high moral ground.


Perhaps a future HNT will be Sean's drawing? Perhaps I will explore in the future what I can do to find aesthetic lines and curves of art in this body that so few artists do. Maybe Sean can give me some ideas, being the one taking art classes...


Click on the cropped image for the full photo:

HNT #12: Click-Through How-To

Someone commented on one of the other HNTers that they needed to learn that clickthrough thing, so I thought I'd share how to do that, at least for those using blogger. The process could be similar with other blog tools.



So, with blogger I add a picture, could be from a website, or could be from my computer. Elsewhere, I have the NSFW photo with its own URL. I'm using flickr (not the same account I use for family-safe photos). To get a specific URL in flickr, look at that photo, click on "all sizes" then click on the size you want. You'll find a box with a static URL for the photo that you can copy. Back in blogger, I select the front page photo, click on the add-a-link button, and paste the URL for the hidden photo.



I thought briefly about adding Snap to my blog. This is a search engine that allows you to add some html to your template, then when people hover over your links they will see a little window of the destination web page. Then I remembered the clickthrough photo....not gonna work for me. Oh, wait. Snap! I just checked out the FAQ. It does not provide previews for the same domain. Maybe I will give it a try after all.

[so I remember: anytime I don't want the snap preview, in the html for the link, before href, add this: class="snap_nopreview" ]

I was inspired by the Mystery Guest (Osbasso did a click-through) and by Tom's C to show a little, or my case big, peekaboo flash.






2 22 07

HNT #11: Thank you Heather MacAllister

I've been hiding out from Half Naked Thursday lately, but today I almost think it necessary to come out of hiding. I haven't been very involved in Fat Activism, but I appreciate and benefit from the great work they do. On February 13th a beautiful and daring woman that has inspired many died from ovarian cancer. She was younger than I am, and accomplished so much more. Heather MacAllister was the founder and artistic director of Big Burlesque and the Fat Bottom Revue. Leonard Nimoy immortalized her and the other dancers in some great nude photos you can see here.

Through some odd piece of synchronicity, I was catching up on a new blogger friend's older posts. Rachel at Terrible Wonderful World was the one who introduced me to Nimoy's photos, and pointed her readers to comments from 2005 on Big Fat Blog. We fat women rarely see our naked bodies photographed with such kindness and love. It came out in the comments that doctors will blame a woman's fatness for her ovarian cancer, and fans were worried that Heather would get that as well. Heather herself responded, "The doctors are NOT blaming my fat, which is good for me for obvious reasons and good for them b/c I am ready with a blistering critique of such malpractice bullsh*t at any time if necessary. If you have ovarian cancer and are getting that b.s. from your doc, let me know and I will try to help you out."

In response to people mentioning envy of the dancers' self-acceptance and courage, Heather said,

1. Thank You to everyone who was moved by the pictures and wrote about it. That is why we did it, really. And I was very clear w/Leonard Nimoy about our fat liberation perspective and message, and I'm thrilled he's sending that out there to the mainstream press.
2. Me and the other models fight the same fat prejudice that you do. We get scared and struggle w/self-acceptance and self-love just like you. Just want you to know that "freedom is not free"; the freedom you see us enjoying is the result of constant hard work and eternal vigilance against the "tyranny of slenderness".

Heather lived with ovarian cancer for nearly three years.

Not two days later another email friend of mine shared her grief over the pending death of the lovely Ms. MacAllister. She invited us to visit the Big Burlesque Website, video found there. Later she shared with us the obituary sent to the New York Times. I learned Heather not only revived burlesque for fat women, she worked for many non-profits, was an advocate for transgenders, and worked in anti-racism training. Heather died here in Portland. With Krissy involved here in Fat PDX, who knew I had only 1 or 2 degrees of separation from such a queen of big beautiful women? Recent story on a performance by Heather for the Cupcake dance found here.

So, in honor of Heather Macallister, I'm getting naked. Click through for the full (NSFW) views. May all fat women see ourselves as beautiful as the burlesque ladies. May we see ourselves with as much kindness and love that Heather and the other ladies inspired in Leonard Nimoy.

1. a teasing glimpse of the tattoo 2. I like the way my eyes are caught looking down and looking at you. 3. the black blur in front is the half-naked glimpse of the cat.





2 15 07